Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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