Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
