Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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