i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
