fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
