The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
