Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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