dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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