Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
