I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't turn off my feet"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
