apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
