I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
