My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
