If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
