i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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