I want to make a zoo with you.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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