Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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