That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
