using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We left an ass print on the piano.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
