i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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