The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
