dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
