i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
