now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
