garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
