Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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