$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
