i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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