i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
