his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize