its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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