Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
