Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
