he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
