Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
