Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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