I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
