She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
