It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
