I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
