So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
