i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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