I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
