I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
