I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
