Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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