I'm drive I can fine osifer
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
