and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Holy shit dude........stairs
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
