I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You pole danced in your parka.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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