a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
