arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
how do you play pong handcuffed?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
