You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
