My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
