I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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