Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize