So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
