remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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