So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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