Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
