you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
