like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
