If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
