She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
