you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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