Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
