He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
