i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
