I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
