I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Drake has all the answers
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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