Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
