I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
