I hate your face
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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