im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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