How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
