First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
